Shenanigans My senior crush list

Author: Alex Garlick

1. Dan Streitfeld - Thanks for your third anti-Garlick op-ed, it's great for my overflowing vainglory.

2. The Bunker - There once was a dream of a weekly Sketch-Cullough dance party with cheap beer, Red Bull and long lines to make it feel exclusive. Now, the dream comes true every time you bunk.

3. MiddleburyConfessional.com - I've always wanted an anonymous forum where I could post libelous character attacks from the privacy of my own home. I bet Dan Streitfeld loves it. In all seriousness, I think a good portion of this campus should realize that it is supposed to be a confessional, in which you comment about yourself. Using it to make other people feel bad is cowardly, and if you use it for that, you should be ashamed of yourself.

4. Barack Obama - You cannot blame me for supporting him. I am a well-educated white man, I come from a rich part of a rich state and go to an acutely expensive elite institution of higher learning. Plus, I've questioned my allegiance to the Democratic Party in the past … I am his base.

5. Hillary Clinton & John McCain - There is really nothing more you can ask for from these two if you are an aspiring political pundit/satirist. First, Hillary dragged this race out for months with hardly a prayer of being nominated, giving me weeks of easy material. Then, she takes on a new persona for me to mock - Blue Collar Hillary! Seriously, she has been giving speeches from pickup trucks (I wonder if she talks about her experiences at Wellesley and Harvard on top of that F-150?) and is calling Barack an elitist. And then she and McCain propose a summer gas tax holiday that is the most egregious example of election year pandering I can imagine. They may as well offer a $50 coupon if you promise to vote for a white person in November. This tax exemption is a policy disaster. Aren't we trying to reduce our dependence on foreign oil? Why then would we subsidize it when the prices are astronomical? Don't believe me - two hundred economists denounced their plans on Monday, including four Nobel laureates. Hillary's reply - "I'm not going to put my lot in with economists." (Do you think she picked that up at Wellesley or Harvard?)

6. Proctor Crushes - The girls are always cuter in the salad bar line.

7. The Axxin Center - It looked great at the soft opening last week. Here's an idea for the Senior Class Gift - why don't we request that the room we are refurbishing be designated a senior-only study lounge? It would add a little tradition to the building, and make the room unique on campus. Nobody would complain about it since they would use it when they are seniors. The only students that get hurt are kids that transfer before senior year, and who cares about them? What's there to lose? YES WE CAN!

8. 24-hour library sessions - Students get to procrastinate on Facebook and search for their own name on Middlebury Confessional all night.

9. The first week of spring - Nothing beats those first days of girls in sun dresses and afternoons on the golf course. The only thing that would be better would be a national gas tax holiday.

10. Midnight Breakfast - Half the kids have bloodshot eyes from hours in BiHall and are nursing a coffee, the other half are scarfing down doughnuts and wings and have bloodshot eyes from … something. It never gets old.

11. The Women's Soccer team - Do I have to explain every one?

12. Katie Flagg, Zamir Ahmed, Jay Dolan and Theo May - The Campus has been blessed with steady leadership from the top, Jay's been a great editor all year long, and Theo is just hot.

Alex Garlick '08.5 is a Political Science and Economics major from Needham, Mass.