The D-spot

Author: Dina Magaril

As the school year comes to a close, many of us can't help but have only one thing on our minds - exams. Middlebury students are used to working hard and pulling all-nighters, but there's something about the impending weeklong designation of final exams and papers that has even the most expert crammer stressed out to the max. Luckily, I have a solution to these stress problems, and it doesn't involve Red Bull or Adderall, unless you want it to.

We all know that exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress and release endorphins. But since taking a hike to Snake Mountain may not fit into most of our exam schedule plans, I'm proposing an equally fun option - sexcercising.

There are many ways to measure the benefits of having sex during exam week, and as long as you follow the guidelines depending on your study rituals, you should sail through exams satisfied in more ways than one.

You can use sex in one of two ways - either as a motivating factor or as a guiding principle. If you're the kind of person who will feel even more distracted by a late-night romp in the library, try using sex as a goal. If you know that you won't be having sex until you finish writing that philosophy paper, chances are Nietzsche will start making perfect sense to you. It's incredible what a little motivating factor can do for the mind.

If your issue is procrastination, try not to use sex as an excuse for neglecting your other work. This will only result in you being resentful of sex, and being mad at sex is never a good option. This is a relationship you will need to keep going strong and healthy for most of your life, so treat it well.

For others, the struggle might involve the basic question of "To have, or not to have?" What's important here is to be respectful of each other's wishes. If one of you needs to have sex on a constant basis in order to get through exam week while the other can't even think about it for fear of ruining his/her mapped out weeklong itinerary then try to find a balance. If you're Type A obsessive-compulsive, pencil in a time to have sex. Sex can be the perfect segue from that dense Economics reading to understanding what Shakespeare was talking about. The key word here is compromise, and the goal is being respectful of each other's study habits while taking into account sexual needs, because sometimes, you gotta give a little to get a little.

If finding someone to have sex with is stressing you out more than the thought of your upcoming finals, don't be too quick to rule out the safest sex of all. Masturbation releases the same endorphins as sex with another person, so whether you need a bit of solo time to unwind or simply don't want to leave your computer screen, be sure to keep a little TLC-me time as an option.

So use Midnight Breakfast as the perfect chance to catch someone's eye and clue him or her in to what your perfect study break looks like over a bowl of piping hot oatmeal.

But take a cue from the sign at the entrance to the library. Respect your fellow classmates that are trying to study by not having loud sex in close proximity to a thesis carrel or any other crowded study space. Feel free to explore Sunderland, BiHall and the newly constructed Axinn Center.

Once you've found the perfect balance between getting your work done while getting laid during finals week, you'll feel calmer and clear headed and will most likely perform better.

And no one can deny that a sex hangover is infinitely better than an Adderall one.