The Ethicist

Author: Amanda Greene

I've been thinking a lot about sharing. College students, living in extremely close proximity to one another, are constantly sharing ideas, books and information. We share our frustrations, our fears and our anxieties - often to the point where our friends become our second families. What happens, then, when our judgment tells us not to share certain things, and when we withhold events and information from those who we love? For me, this week has been defined by the dilemma of "to share or not to share."

A friend asked me whether I liked the poster she had gotten in Italy. I didn't, but I told her I did. This "not to share" was easy enough. Another friend asked my opinion of his new girlfriend. This question was harder to answer. The girl was nice enough, but I was unnerved by how she had treated a friend of mine in the past. I spoke candidly because my friend had asked for my opinion, and because it felt dishonest to give him anything less. Plus one for the "share" category.

Friday rolled around and I was confronted with (yet another) decision. My friend Jill had inadvertently told our friend Kate something intimately personal. Jill, caught up in the midst of the night's events, forgot that she bore her soul to Kate and awoke the next morning blissfully unaware of the conversation that had transpired the previous night. Kate remembered everything. This was a much more serious round of "to share or not to share."

I was caught in the middle. I didn't want to tell Jill what had happened because I thought she would feel uncomfortable. I kept my mouth shut. This was a mistake. I should have given Jill and Kate the opportunity to discuss what had happened. My intentions were pure, because I wanted to shelter Jill from any embarrassment she might have felt, but my actions were misguided. I should have shared.

And now for this week's question:

Q: There's a window in a building that had a hole in it and is scheduled for repair later this week. Last weekend my friend accidentally further damaged the window.

He is aware of what happened but does not feel that he has to confess to the transgression because the College was already scheduled to repair the window. He argues that confessing would just shift the damage charges to his account and that he did not initiate the need for the repair. I think my friend has an obligation to confess because his actions worsened the window's condition. What is the ethical action in this circumstance?

-- Distressed-by-Damage



A: Your friend should confess. It is likely that the hole will cost more to repair as a direct result of your friend's damage. The College should figure out how much the initial repair would have cost, and how much the repair now costs and bill your friend for the difference. The College or the student who initially shattered the window should not have to pay for damage caused by your friend's indiscretions. Middlebury students, as part of a community, are obligated to assume responsibility for their actions, even if responsibility comes at a cost.



Want to consult the ethicist? Send submissions to amgreene@middlebury.edu