The D-Spot He said/She said Let's talk about sex!

Author: Dina Magaril

Most Middlebury students are aptly versed in the art of b.s.ing. At $49,000 a year, we should at least be able to pretend we know what we're talking about. It's a talent we acquire during our four years here for survival purposes, like forgetting to do the assigned reading and having to come up with a brilliant comment for class discussion, or writing a ten page paper on a topic you think can be best summed up in one word - boring. There are times when knowing how to b.s. will prove highly beneficial and should be resorted to and other times where it's out of order. In the spirit of keeping work and play separate, it is imperative to keep b.s. out of our private spaces, like the bedroom, and intimate situations, like getting to know someone you are attracted to.

It's rare for a relationship to bloom out of honest conversation and a discussion of each person's wants and expectations. Let's face it - those of you who are dating probably first got to know each other through beer goggles, mindless groping and text messages you spent hours decoding with your friends. If that eventually turned into a relationship, great: you're in the envied minority. Most of us have to cut through a lot of bullshit before we can honestly communicate with one another and convey what we really feel. And it's not surprising if we consider the fact that we live in a culture where the majority of the relationship discussions we are exposed to come from prime time television or the closing lines of a chick flick (remember when Serena and Dan got stuck in that elevator and had to talk about their relationship or when Jack Nicholson told Helen Hunt that she made him want to be a better man?). It's understandable that we feel so scared and uncomfortable "talking about our feelings" in any genuine kind of way. Few would ever utter the phrase "you complete me," or "my life began the moment I met you," to another person, thankfully. But neither are we tapping into the other side of the spectrum, the "let's get real," direct side. When was the last time you told someone exactly what was on your mind, no excuses, just complete honesty? Most of us don't want to put ourselves in that vulnerable spot, yet being completely straight with someone often produces the best results. Wouldn't it be a load off to just tell your crush that you like them, or tell that person that you've been hooking up with that you really want to date them?

However, it is sometimes unnecessary and even uncalled for to bring conversation into certain spaces, the most intimate of which is the bedroom. In such situations, actions may speak louder than words, but of course it all depends on your personal preference. While comments on how sexy someone is are definitely given the green light, there are often more personal dialogues that should be kept out of this territory unless guidelines have been preestablished. When in doubt, be sure your mother wouldn't mind hearing it; as a rule, one should avoid more profane jargon.

Some people get off on talking dirty and giving precise directions on how they want to be touched. And that's totally fine, as long as both parties are comfortable. Just keep in mind that while it's encouraging to hear, "I'm almost there," in the throes of ecstasy, it may be off-putting to encounter "grab me," unless you know the person really well. Instead, use actions and body language. Guide each other, make eye contact and feel free to make facial expressions and get in tune with each other's bodies. Just remember, even if things get heated, no one wants to be treated like they've suddenly entered your personal porno kingdom. Phrases like "you've been a bad girl/boy" or "you're so big," are best left in the realm of adult entertainment. And don't forget to ask before you spank.