FML at Middlebury

Author: Jameson Studwell

Today, I was thinking about this guy who I hooked up with the other night. I definitely felt a connection and was excited to see him at the dance tonight. He wasn't there, but when I got back to my room I found him. He was hooking up with my roommate. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, I was walking around Ross, looking confused. I was looking for the maple balsamic, and one of the dining hall ladies comes up to me and asks if she can help me with something. I told her I was deciding on a dressing for my salad. She looked me over and told me I should probably go with the red wine vinegar because it has no fat. FML.
You deserved that one

Today, my grandmother called to tell me a really raunchy sex joke. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, I was at a party and ended up making out with a guy I had a huge crush on. After we stopped and he went to go talk to someone, one of our friends came up and asked me if I was worried that his boyfriend would be mad. FML.
You deserved that one

Today, I was looking over at this girl during class. We had this cute, flirtatious thing going where we would make faces at one another during class while the professor lectured. This had been going on all semester but today after class she finally spoke to me. She asked if I would mind not staring at her all the time because it's weird. Apparently her friend sits directly behind me and I had just been creeping her out all semester. FML.
You deserved that one

Today, my mom requested to friend me on facebook. I rejected her. She then texted me to tell me she was hurt by my rejection. She said she just wanted to be able to see how my life was going at college because I don't call her enough. Out of guilt, I friended her. This afternoon, she called me and I got a 20-minute lecture on how I need to delete my facebook immediately because I look like an alcoholic and my friends are sluts. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, I left the dining hall early to use the extra 10 minutes to print out my paper before class. I went to the first floor walk up computers in the library and printed to the third floor. I walked upstairs and the third floor printer had a sign saying it was out of order. I logged on to one of the nearby computers and printed it to the basement printer. When I got down there it too had a sign. I logged on again to send it to one of the two printers on the second floor. There was one functioning printer that morning. I had sent my paper to the other one and I was late for class. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, my parents drunk dialed me. It was Saturday night and my parents were more drunk than I was. FML.
You deserved that one

Today, was April 12th. It snowed again. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, I woke up with burns on my leg and realized I had fallen asleep with my leg up against my radiator. My radiator is underneath my desk. I fell asleep, with no pants on, underneath my desk, next to the radiator. FML.
You deserved that one

Today, this cute guy wasn't looking where he was going, and bumped right into me. I was momentarily stunned, and when I finally found words they were, "oh it's alright, I get pumped into a lot!!" FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, I brought this girl back to my double. In the middle of going at it, my roommate walks in. He stood there awkwardly for a minute with a look of shock on his face. He told me later it was because he had never expected me to have sex. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, a couple of friends from another college were visiting. I'm dry for the season, but it was a Saturday night so I told them to take some beers out of the fridge. They picked them up and as they went to close the door a public safety officer walked by. She wrote me up for being friends with two people holding two unopened beers. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, my roommate drunkenly peed on my face thinking it was the toilet. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed-You deserved that one

Today, I finally splurged and bought a nice phone for the first time rather than taking the one that comes free with my plan. When I got back to the dorm I dropped it in the toilet by accident. FML.
I agree, your life is f***ed

Today, I went to look at some porn on my computer. I had forgotten that last night we hooked up two massive speakers to it for a party and turned the volume up all the way up. The people in the rooms next to mine all heard what kind of porn I like. FML.
You deserved that one

Today, I went to a bonfire. The next morning, I woke up in nothing but a lacy thong, sleeping on top of my RA's fridge. My pants were in a stranger's room next door. FML.
You deserved that one

Today, I e-mailed my professor to explain that I would be missing class for an a cappella performance. The show ended earlier than I expected, but I'd already excused my absence so I frolicked in the sun on Battell beach. My class decided to take it outside that day ... 10 feet from where I was sitting. FML.
You deserved that one

Today, my friend walks up to me and goes "oh my god you are going to be perfect for this! I'm writing a Middlebury Fmylife." FML.
I agree your life is f***ed