Let's talk about sex, babies

Author: Veracity Butcher

Throughout this semester, I've been encouraging everyone on campus to pursue their desires honestly and safely. Sounds simple enough, right? But what if you don't have any clue what you really want? I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day, and she's one of the most sexually empowered women I know on campus. She told me of her multiple trysts, and her potential crush list candidates, and I made a comment about how cool I thought it was that she could have healthy friendships with the people she slept with. She looked at me with a forlorn smile.

"To tell you the truth, I just want a steady thing." Shock ensued, and then I completely understood her perspective. Despite the free love mantra I spout, I myself would rather have a monogamous relationship than a series of passionate flings. But I was still intrigued by her admission, so I asked her why she didn't just settle down. "I want someone to ravish me," she explained. "And no one has." Pause. Rewind. A girl who wants to be ravished? Doesn't that sort of behavior go with rape, pillage and plunder?

She put it this way: "to me, foreplay is the most important part of sex. And that's where ravaging comes in. It feels a little dangerous, spontaneous, and rough, it's the feeling right before sex that you're butter in someone else's arms." Sounds yummy. At this point, I imagine Rhett Butler from "Gone With The Wind" telling Scarlett O'Hara, "you look like someone who needs to be kissed, often. And by someone who knows how." That pick-up line still makes me swoon, and not because of what came of it (they don't kiss for another hour or two), but because it made her suffer something so sweet.

Deep down, I believe everyone wants to be swept off their feet. No matter how fun it is to dibble dabble, we all know (or at least have heard of) that feeling of your throat dropping into your stomach when a certain someone breathes in your direction. When that person feels equally tongue-tied around you, and you finally get around to that first kiss, your mind goes sunspotted, your hands can't help but grasp your lover like a long-lost friend, and every tickle of your tongues glints with electricity. That, the feeling of utter surrender to another being, is ravishing.

But let's not take this idea too far. I'm not insinuating that deep down, every woman wants a man to thrust his tongue down her throat, throw her over his shoulder and bone her brains out. Ravishing is not about the whole damsel-in-distress/knight-in-shining-armor complex. No one appreciates an unwanted advance and men like to be ravished too. Believe me.

In order to reach the magical infatuation land of which I speak, there has to be a tense build up to the moment of fusion. A succession of conversations, covert glances, and light skin grazing is key. Throw in a massage or two if you're feeling extra frisky. If the chase is too easy, the fling will undoubtedly fizzle out. And whether you want a relationship to come of it or not, the last thing you want is to be considered a lackluster lover. Remember that even if you're not sure what you desire exactly, ruling out what you don't want is a step closer to understanding your sexuality.

I'm sure you don't want to be underwhelming.