Center of the Circle - 1/21/10

Growing up, my family and I would go to a production of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” every year. And every year I wondered what it would be like to be haunted by ghosts of Christmas past, present and future. Of course, I was never overly concerned.

After all, I certainly had more Christmas spirit than Ebenezer Scrooge, and every Christmas was pretty much the same, so I needed no reminder of how things had changed.

However, this year, I regret to inform you, was different. We attended no festive play, and I was the one who was haunted, but this time, by the three ghosts of boyfriends past.

No, I was not trying to act out my own version of the corny Matthew McConaughey movie “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” that flopped this time last year. Rather, I was legitimately revisited.

Always a believer in a “clean break,” you can imagine my surprise when I received a request for a “re-friendship” on Facebook from my high school boyfriend of two years.

I was even more surprised that our lack of communication for the better part of three years did not so much as warrant a note. No attempt at a false “how have you been?” sentiment. Simply a request to stalk my photos. Classy.

Shortly thereafter, I was “Facebook chatted” by a fling from four years ago. Again, we have never made an attempt to keep in touch before. Why now? What has changed?

Finally, the ghost I fear the most, the one whose haunting I have tried to avoid at all costs — my British boyfriend from a semester abroad — found my e-mail address, probably on the Middlebury Website, and requested a chance “to apologize and to explain.” Really?! We lived together for two months, and you broke up with me via text message! Now, a year later, you choose to clear your conscience? The verdict is still out on whether or not I should indulge him.

All of this attempted reconnection got me thinking, and not just about how the Internet ruins personal relationships.

Post-graduation, how will I relate to my Middlebury relations? Be them romantic or platonic, close or casual, will they choose to disappear and then electronically come back to haunt me? Who will I still be calling, texting, Facebook messaging a year or four years from now? What is the best way to keep in touch, and with whom do I value continued contact?

With one semester left and graduation fast approaching, I know a few things for sure: I vow never to burn any bridges via text message and never to re-build bridges via Facebook. I vow always to call and never e-mail when a conversation is in order. I vow not to lose touch with those I care about and to sufficiently fake friendliness when I run into someone I was not expecting to see. I vow to let the past be the past and to refrain from re-hashing. Most importantly, though, in the future, I will just go and see the play and stay off of Facebook and e-mail during the month of December.