Overseas Briefing 2/11

CHANGCHUN — In November 2005, NaiNai (my grandmother) decided that she wanted to move to Changchun, China and in early March 2006, she finally made the move. I have spent the past four weeks living with her and YeYe (my grandfather) here in Changchun.

NaiNai is not your average waiguo laotaitai; she’s 83 years old and won’t let me clean my own room or dishes. Instead, she insists that I go rest. While many elderly Chinese stay inside after 70, NaiNai is always out and about. She complains that walking too slow makes her tired. She’d rather stand than sit. If she had had the training, she could have run twice as fast as I can, she claims. Moreover, while YeYe can read, translate, and explain the teachings of Confucius, the sagest advice has always come from my NaiNai.

These conversations — and the rest of family life — occur around the breakfast and dinner table. Meals are the highest expression of love in China, I find. The majority of ingredients that NaiNai puts in her meals are gifts from friends and relatives, who will drop by at any time of day to hand NaiNai gifts of fish, tofu, wine, fruits, etc.

One week ago, my NaiNai knocked on my door. She was nearly in tears. She beseeched me, “Look at all these leftovers!” Not eating enough obviously means that I am not a loving, caring or appreciative granddaughter.  “If only your brother were here,” she lamented. “He’s such a good boy. And eats a lot!” Since then, I have gone to the gym every day — in order to eat those extra five dumplings. Soon, I fear, I’ll become a dumpling myself.

While I eat her cooking, NaiNai imparts serious advice and plans my future. My future consists of three parts. The first is to study Chinese at the local university and eat her cooking. The second is tutor lazy children of rich Chinese parents in English … and eventually build up my own English school. “I know,” she says, “you not interested become teacher, but this give you very good life.” The third is to convince my parents to retire to China, so they can inherit the apartment, live more than comfortably off their American pensions, and have me nearby. Also, as I am pursuing this life path, I need to keep in mind the following instructions:

1. Find a boyfriend interested in the same thing you are.  For example, she asked me, when you move here to teach English, but have a boyfriend who doesn’t want to move to China or does not understand the language — then what will you do? You will have trouble.

2. Do not marry for money. Marry for money-earning ability. If you marry rich, he may be lazy or have no skills. You need to make sure he’s able to earn more than you spend.

3. Train your husband early. Within the first month of marriage, your husband must master the ability to use the dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, and vacuum. Abandon him in the kitchen and/or basement with the machines and plug in your headphones. If he doesn’t learn it within the first month, you’ll be doing that chore the rest of your life.

Thankfully, NaiNai doesn’t cook dessert. However, most nights she’ll tiptoe into my room with a big grin, holding a bowl of coffee ice cream. Luckily, by then I’ve digested five of the 20 filet-mignon dumplings she made especially for me, so I can accept the gift with a grateful, if disbelieving, smile. When she hands me the ice cream, she orders, “Study hard!” I immediately sit back down and close Facebook. Truly, NaiNai’s greatest skills are deciding what someone else needs and ensuring that they can’t refuse her.