Under the Raydar - 09/16/10

While I was sitting in my office this summer, my co-worker turned to me and said, “Hey. Did you know that nearly one in four couples in America sleep in separate bedrooms?” (He was obviously getting distracted on the internet).
Surprisingly, he was right — even in 2005, the National Sleep Foundation issued a survey that resulted in this finding. What’s more, the National Association of Home Builders expects that 60 percent of custom homes will have dual master bedrooms by 2015.

Though I have a few relatives who take part in this trend, I never assumed it to be so widespread. My aunt and uncle slept in separate quarters, but that was only because of his horrible snoring patterns.

So why else would this trend be cropping up under so many roofs? Is it because of different routines? Restless Leg Syndrome, or one of the many other symptoms that keep inventing themselves into our lives? One partner likes to stay up watching television while the other has a rigorous morning workout plan? Perhaps it is because of more invasive technology; maybe one partner keeps getting buzzes from a Blackberry. If bedrooms are becoming more and more like offices, or even playgrounds for younger couples with children, perhaps there is a certain detraction from spending more time than needed for just sleeping in these rooms.

But this detraction is threatening a lot of the together time that couples have such different schedules, as well as many healthy benefits of co-sleeping, one article noted. With all of the other responsibilities of life, a private place with a shut door is one of the only places couples can communicate without interruption. If sleeping together equals more pillow talk equals more communication, wouldn’t that add up to a healthier relationship?

All of this got me thinking about the pillow talk we have in college with our roommates — whether it is venting time as one sits with a laptop chugging away at an econ paper, or having an in-depth drunken life talk, or even a jumbled, exhausted “How was your day?” chat.

There is something comforting about pillow talk (or sitting in the hallway talk), about togetherness, for married couples and college roommates.

My first-year roommate and I still have pillow talk, even though we have singles now. Late at night, coming back from the library, the bar, a friend’s house or suite, we meet up and have pillow talk on her futon (as long as pillows are involved, the time of day or place is of little consequence). Even if what we say or talk about does not make much sense, some of what we remember and feel after catching up can be so clear. Even if there is no conclusion and nothing established in our rambling, it is just comforting to share with someone who will not judge or even react besides being present.

The times that I have learned most about people have often been late-night drifting conversations while falling asleep. There is something so honest about what people can say behind a closed door in a safe place. I worry about the 60 percent of future couples, and the late night talks they will be missing — spliced by a wall divide.

While we have the forced chance to share a room in college, we should take advantage of it. We should turn off our iPods and close our laptops once in a while, and just talk. Who knows what we can find out about our roommates and ourselves. Who knows – maybe we will have such a blast falling asleep while genuinely talking to someone else that we will change the statistic?

We’ve still got six years.