Hooking Up Sober

Remember Valentine’s Day in elementary school? You’d come home off the bus beaming, with a shoebox full of cardboard rectangles sporting Disney characters, comic book heroes or cuddly cats, and — hopefully — a handful of Hershey’s kisses and heart-shaped lollipops. Everyone brought in a bumblebee “will you BEE my valentine?” card for each and every classmate and so, by the end of the school day you had 20-some-odd valentines to call your own.

But somewhere along the line, as we graduated into those god-awful middle school years, our valentine celebrations and traditions changed. Bringing in a card for everyone suddenly becomes geek status. It’s not necessary to dress up in pink dresses and heart-print socks. And unless you’re a Mormon or John Tucker, you can only have one valentine.

In fifth grade, it’s no big deal. If you happened to get asked out at lunch period on Feb 12, maybe you’ll buy your beau a candy bar and call it a holiday. But other than that, Feb 14 is really just another day of the week with a good excuse to eat sweets.

But then: braces are disappearing, zits are clearing up and girls are making their first trips to Victoria’s Secret Pink to buy lime-green-leopard-print 32As. Pin the tail on the donkey is replaced with spin the bottle. Everyone’s getting slapped in the face with a bunch of hormones and the opposite sex’s “cooties” are suddenly kind of attractive.

So what does this mean for Valentine’s Day? Well for many, it means one thing. Pressure.

Yes, the carefree grade school holiday is now more stressful than the PSATs. And, unfortunately, as we get older the pressure only seems to get worse. On Feb 14, there are two kinds of people: those who have dates, and those who do not.

I have this theory that everyone spends Valentine’s Day in bed: either romping in the sheets with your sweetheart or eating a box of chocolates from your mom and watching The Vow.

But I don’t like this stratification. Why can’t some remnant of that elementary school mindset stay with us as we grow up? Why can’t Valentine’s Day be more like Halloween? Halloween is a communal celebration, a social holiday. So why can’t Valentine’s Day be like that too?

No, I’m not suggesting an orgy. And I’m also not trying to belittle what Valentine’s Day currently represents: a celebration of romance. It’s a day to remember why you love your significant other and then to show them just how much you do. And how could a hopeless romantic say no to that?

So of course I have a sweet spot for this love-centered holiday. But why so much pressure to have someone to celebrate with? Why does V-day have to be limited to strictly date night, and why is it that we feel somehow lesser if we’re flying solo? Why can’t we observe this holiday more broadly?

At the risk of sounding horrifyingly cheesy, and also quoting the Gap’s holiday campaign, love comes in all shades. So this Valentine’s day, I challenge us all not to focus on the kinds of love we may be missing, but to remember all the kinds of love we have. Friends, parents, siblings, pets. Just because you don’t make out with them doesn’t mean they don’t deserve some appreciation for their love too. Plus, you don’t have to blow any money on new lingerie to celebrate with them, and they could make a great shoulder to cry on when The Vow has you sobbing.

Be a glutton for Valentine’s this year. Even if you do have a traditional valentine, don’t stop there. Embrace your inner second-grader and spread holiday cheer everywhere. Who knows – maybe today, a day devoted to love, is the best day to find new love. Maybe Cupid is feeling generous; after all, it is his special day.

And if you’re still not satisfied, and a lack of a valentine has still got you feeling down, which is of course understandable and valid, remember this: all the chocolate and candy will be on half-off sale tomorrow. And nothing, not even Cupid, is more powerful than chocolate.