Middlebury Alumna Writes Book on Love

Last Wednesday night, Meghan Laslocky ’89 presented her first book, The Little Book of Heartbreak: Love Gone Wrong Through the Ages at 51 Main. At the event, which The Vermont Bookshop touted as “Anti-Valentine,” Laslocky discussed her new book and read from her recent Middlebury Magazine article, “Whither Courtly Love,” in which she explores courtly love and her experience with love (or lack of love) at the College.

“I was really fascinated by why we suffer so when our hearts get broken, from a physiological and bio-evolutionary perspective,” said Laslocky in a phone interview after the event.

The Little Book of Heartbreak is a history of heartbreak in which she explores the phenomenon from 12 Century Paris, Ernest Hemingway, to modern day romances.

“I’m fascinated by breakups,” said Laslocky during her talk. “The texture and complexity of them [is interesting].”

One aspect of her book which she needed to address but which she is skeptical of is courtly love, a subject that comes up frequently in literature and has played a roll in shaping peoples’ ideas of romance. Courtly love is the idea of love based of chivalry and nobility. It is a skepticism that she has harbored ever since her days as an English major at the College.

“I loved being an English major but every time courtly love came up I was like, ‘not again,’” she said. “But, in order to be responsible and talk about heartbreak I had to look back on courtly love.”

One of the reasons for her dislike of courtly love is because she believes it is so far from the reality of life at college as she experienced it.

“No doubt part of the reason why I found courtly love so irksome lay in the fact that it was so at odds with what I was experiencing as a young woman at Middlebury in the 80s — or thought I was experiencing,” Laslocky quoted from her essay in Middlebury Magazine.

As she continued her study of courtly love after college, she discovered that she isn’t the only skeptic of courtly love and that, even though images of Mr. Darcy wooing Elizabeth Bennett are evocative, courtly love may never have been a reality outside of the pages of books like Pride and Prejudice. After this discovery, Laslocky felt vindicated that she seemed to have inherently known that courtly love was “bogus.”

But, the question of why finding love at college is so difficult for so many people — including her — kept nagging her. At the event at 51 Main, she suggested that “tribalism” and “fear of crossing social boundaries” could be one reason. Also, she put forward the idea that “‘hooking up was cool, walks of shame were cool, but unabashed love [was not cool].”

At the event, one audience member — a student at the College — commented on how, even though Laslocky’s experience at Middlebury was in the 80s, in many ways it looks very similar to the dating and “hookup” scene at the College today. The main difference, though, now is the overbearing presence of technology.

“I think that that [technology] is obviously very seductive but very tricky,” said Laslocky. “A real concern [is] communicating face-to-face, that that skill is going to be lost.”

Being able to text and be in constant communication with people as well as smart phone apps like Tinder make options for romance seem endless and can get in the way of more meaningful connections, Lasklocky suggested.

But, really, it could come down to one thing, whether in 12th century Paris or the hyper-connected world of today. When an audience member asked Laslocky if she had any regrets regarding her college experience and love, Laslocky said, “I regret not expressing myself.”