Hooking Up Sober

There are endless proverbs about relationships. “Love is blind.” “You never forget your first love.” But what about this one: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”?

Is it true? Does being apart make a relationship stronger? Or does distance cause it to slowly deteriorate? A long-distance relationship poses an entirely unique set of problems that you don’t face when you’re dating someone who lives on your hall.

I believe that, in a good relationship, you’re dating your best friend. He’s the person to whom you want to tell the details of your day. You want to share with him all the little victories, like when you run an extra mile more than you plan, or make an awesome dinner creation in Proctor.

But he’s not here. A major aspect of your life is somewhere else. There’s this feeling of here and there, creating an internal tug-of-war that’s forever in a stalemate. And you’re scared that one day the rope – or yourself – might just snap in two.

Sometimes you don’t think about it. But sometimes, it weighs on your mind and every thought ends in the wish: “I really should write my history paper, and I wish he was here. I’ll go to the lib after dinner, and I wish he was here. I’m just so exhausted, and I really wish he was here.” There’s also this witching hour, about one a.m. on a Saturday night, when the campus starts to resemble Noah’s ark. You’re dancing silly in a circle of friends and then wham!  You turn around, and everyone is coupling off in pairs of two. And here you are, one without her two.

It’s not a case of temptation. (If it is, that might be a good sign to reconsider what you’re doing). But instead, it’s just missing them. Sure, you’re dying to be kissed, but not by the stranger on the dance floor. Only one person will do.

And you start the night knowing that it’s just not going to happen. For your friends who have boyfriends at Midd, they know that come one a.m. they’ll be going home with their guy. And for your single friends, there’s the uncertainty and excitement; there’s always the possibility that you could be taking someone home, and that’s a fun incentive for the night. But you — you know you’re night is going to end at The Grille followed by an episode of Modern Family. And wishing he was there.

So yes, long distance has its obstacles. But obviously, I wouldn’t continue to be in one for almost two years if it was all sadness.

While it would be nice to have your guy involved in your quotidian activity, there’s also something wonderful about the distancing. If you need an escape, you have one. If you need a more objective opinion, you’ve got it. Your life is one entity, but there is some separation of church and state. Back to proverbs, there’s that old saying “don’t … you know … where you eat.” To have your relationship distanced from all of the daily stresses in the life of a Midd kid can be a sanctuary for you and a saving grace for your relationship.

And if you want to talk about excitement – nothing compares to the anticipation of a visit, a reunion. It’s almost like a first date all over again, butterflies and all. In a long-term relationship, being comfortable is a blessing, but it is nice to still have that fresh spark of excitement. So in this way, the LDR is a best of both worlds.

But here’s the truth of it all: “nobody ever said it was going to be easy.” And that’s for all relationships, whether you’re states, dorms or hemispheres apart. So the question to be asked when there’s any struggle in a relationship is, is it worth it? If your answer is yes, it doesn’t matter. If you’ve found someone who’s worth it, someone you love, the heart will grow fonder, absence or presence. People have these gut reactions to the idea of long-distance — that they’d never be able to do it — but it’s just because they haven’t found the person they’d be able to do it for. When it’s worth it, ending it over a matter of miles is as ridiculous as ending it because he’s allergic to strawberries.

Long distance is just another challenge a good relationship can overcome. Because “love conquers all,” including gas mileage.