Hooking Up Sober

As of today, there are 11 days left of classes, 19 days until finals are over and 24 days until graduation.

Which means only 24 days left of hooking up.

Somehow this realization — that our days, and therefore chances, are limited — must alter the general hook-up culture as the year draws to a close.

Some of us channel a “Max Keeble’s Big Move” mindset. If you can think back to this childhood classic, you’ll remember that 12-year-old Max takes actions with no fear of consequences when his family says they’ll be moving. Our school is so small, it may as well be middle school, and thus filled with hook-up consequences. You’re bound to see your weekend hook-up at a weekday meal. If you get rejected, you’re guaranteed an embarrassing encounter in the library cafe. And you can be sure that everyone knows the full play-by-play.

That’d be enough to deter anyone from taking a chance. Except, when you know you’re heading back home to just-outside-of-Boston tomorrow, why wouldn’t you? The usual post hook-up repercussions are no longer a concern. Don’t want to see him at brunch? Chances are he won’t show up in your home kitchen! Afraid she’ll be a stage five clinger? She can’t suffocate you if you’re on opposite sides of the country! We can afford to put ourselves out there, because if something fails, we have an exit strategy ... and three months to recover. But you might also remember that Max Keeble’s family does not end up moving, and poor Maxy is left to face the consequences. So maybe you remember we’ll be back, and you’re still cautious.

Unless you’re a senior. Because they’re out for good. Now is the time for them to lay all their cards out on the table, and thankfully Middlebury already has a socially acceptable convention to do so: The Crush List.

People study crush lists more than they study for final exams. Everyone’s scanning to find their name on the senior’s lists of people that they’d like to crush, and if your name appears on the list of someone you’d like to find yourself in bed with, you officially have the okay.

So the campus has an overall devil-may-care attitude, plus an urgency to get in every hook-up you wanted to before school ends. And on top of that, everyone is finally getting a little color and showing some skin. Put it all together, and what do you get? An incredibly sexually active campus. Midd Mayhem is more than just an afternoon Guster concert ... and it sounds like more fun, too.

But, I have to ask, what about all those people who want the consequences of a hook-up? What happens if you hook-up with someone you really like next weekend, and then you both fly off to different continents for three months? Almost anything that happens in these next few weeks, I would postulate, has an expiration date of May 26.

So what’s does that mean? Don’t hook up with anyone you actually like until September? Amidst the hormonal frenzy May creates for Middlebury, a new relationship just doesn’t seem viable, but you can still start something, right? If you’re lucky enough to find your crush’s lips on your own, I wouldn’t recommend stopping mid-make-out and telling him you have to wait until September. Because during finals week we need as much fun as we can get, and also that’d probably be a major turn-off.

We live in the 21st century, so just because you’re not in the same location does not mean you can’t communicate. And given the wanderlust of Midd kids, there’s a good chance that you two might end up in the same place at least once over the summer. So, while I don’t anticipate anyone who hooks up now getting engaged before school starts up again, maybe it can be the start -— the very slow start — of a relationship.

So I guess the moral of the story is that springtime in Middlebury is a time to do whatever you want, with as many or as few consequences as you choose.