Hooking Up Sober

Nothing says possibility like the first day of school.  With each autumn, we lucky youth are given the opportunity to start from scratch. In third grade, it’s new crayons, in high school it’s new sneakers, and now, in college, it’s new everything. New classes, new dorms, new faces, new sushi bars in Crossroads.  Not to mention the influx of 626 freshman, who are completely and utterly new to the rest of us.

And since we’re all overachieving Midd kids, we’ve just spent our summers doing amazing things, like saving orphans in Ghana, climbing Kilimanjaro, curing cancer at the Mayo Clinic, or writing about condoms and erectile dysfunction at Cosmopolitan.  So, with three months full of new and amazing experiences, we’re all coming back a little bit new too.

But since this is a sex column, and since I’ve practiced writing about love and lust all summer, of course I’ll be focusing on one thing in particular: new hookups.  The question is foremost in everyone’s mind: Who will you be locking lips with tonight on Atwater’s overcrowded and slimy dance floor? (R.I.P. ADP.)

Have you been thinking about it all summer? Or maybe you’re utterly surprised at your newfound attraction for So-and-So who looks really good with a tan.  Or perhaps you’re reserving your judgment until you’ve gotten a chance to scope out the first-years.

So while that excitement is overwhelming, it’s not always rainbows and lollipops.  What if the girl you’ve been dreaming about all summer has flown across the Atlantic with almost every other junior girl for a semester abroad? Or, maybe you fell head over heels for a senior last year, who’s graduated from the Middlebury bubble. (Sigh, been there.)  Or perhaps all you can think about is that SOB ex who broke your heart last spring, who you’ve been trash talking and hate-texting all semester, but now that you’re back in Vermont you really want nothing but to kiss and make up.

Have you made a new school year’s resolution for hooking up? “This year, I’m only going to sleep with someone if we’ve hooked up sober.” “This year, I’ll only sex-ile my roommate if the guy is really, really hot.”  “This year, I’m going to spend more time interpreting Shakespeare than his text messages.”

Whether you’re looking for your future spouse (we all know the Midd marriage stat) or just someone to pass a weekend with, everyone’s coming into this year with an expectation – a new expectation.

Freshmen, these first hook ups are your first firsts, unless maybe they already happened at orientation, but either way these are the most exciting.  You are beginning the whirlwind that will be your lives as sexually-active college students.

Sophomores and juniors, you’re in the nebulous zone – not the new kids on the block, but still not the big kids.  These first hook-ups are just another great way to punctuate the beginning of a brand new year.

And seniors, class of 2014, this is your last first hook up.  Pretty scary, huh?  Because when we graduate in 9 short months, we’ll be leaving behind us not only classrooms and dinning halls, but also the collegiate-styled hook up culture.  Never again will we all be living in a one-mile radius of each other, consuming unhealthy amounts of alcohol, and living without supervision or responsibilities in the height of our sexual prime. When else can we be so reckless with our hearts and hard ons?

College hook ups are fun and exciting.  They have the potential to lead to something huge, and they offer the possibility to lead to nothing.  And never, never are they as highly anticipated or as thrilling as the first ones of the year.  So enjoy it – and remember it.  As it’s happening, catalogue it as your first first, the year’s first, or your last first.  And even if you’re a bit black-out, ask your roommate to remember it for you, and then fill you in.  Maybe it’s your first kiss with they guy you’ll marry, or maybe it’s your first and last kiss with that girl from your first year seminar.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s the year’s first hook up and it’s important.  It’ll be Sunday morning’s brunch conversation, and it’ll also be how you remember the start to your freshman/sophomore/junior or senior (AHH!) year of college.

Brand new year.  Right now, it’s a fresh slate.  This weekend’s antics will be the first on the record.  What will you do to kick it off?