Let's Talk Sex

He quietly opened the door to my room and greeted me with a silent smile. I pulled him onto the bed and onto me and pushed my tongue into his mouth, blocking any semblance of sound that could sneak out. I took his hands and ran them over my eager body, baring my whole self to him and allowing him to search for all my hot spots without a word.

If my host parents knew that I had been having sex with their son for the past three months they would be forced to report it to my program, who would tell my parents. At age 17, sleeping with my 21 year old host brother, forbidden doesn’t quite cover it. Every creak of the bed was deafening, every sound from outside the door could be my host mother about to barge in. As we dug deeper under the covers, my face pressed into pillow in a futile attempt to hide my moans of pleasure, the secrecy and inappropriateness of the act made my blood boil that much hotter.

Forbidden desires are something we have all experienced. From the sexy coach, to your roommate’s ex, to vampires, we all have our fantasies. Should we deny them? Should we succumb to social norms and expectations? Or should we challenge them? Why can’t I want to bang my hot professor? Why can’t I seduce my brother’s best friend? Within reason, these forbidden lusts should be acted on, not only because they allow us to explore some of the rawest parts of our sexuality, but because it’s freaking hot. The fear of being caught, the knowledge that your acts would be condemned should anyone find out, pushes your body to new limits. The adrenaline surges associated with this anxiety makes every touch from your partner electric and every wave of pleasure deeper. Instead of condemning yourself to social normalcy, fight to embrace all your quirks and oddities.

We all want what we can’t have: another bowl of ice cream, a Ferrari, to time travel. Freshman year of college, I was experimenting with all kinds of limits – I drank more, studied longer, slept less, as sex became a constant in my life. As I began to discuss these choices with friends, I realized that I wasn’t the only one experimenting with the forbidden. Throughout the year I watched one friend connect with a guy on a truly deep level, only to watch him settle down with another girl. Through her feelings of rejection and confusion, she decided that she would not stop seeing him, wanting him all the more now that he was out of reach. One night they snuck into a music practice room and jammed a chair against the door, blocking out the outside world. Listening to her recount the story, it was evident that the secrecy of the situation turned her on. I understand this sentiment; the feeling of trust I feel with someone with whom I have a deep and sexy secret is in some ways more intimate than any relationship with a guy I’m allowed to have. The half-smirks in the dining hall, the seemingly anonymous brushes passed each other in public says it all: we’re evil, we’re sexy. Our terrible secret would make us outcasts at this school forever.

We all forge lives that can be depressingly predictable at times. We know when we will be in class, when we will be at practice, what assignments we will prepare this week, next week and until December. We know approximately when we will be studying, when we will be eating, and when we will finally be able to relax. So push back. Live a little, question the boundaries, take control. Go have sex in a naughty place and know that it is okay to feel your heart pump a little faster when a pinch of pain gets mixed in with pleasure. It’s okay to flirt with a silver fox or play the cougar at the bar. The arousal of danger and the intimacy of secrecy can send you to a place you’ve never before imagined. And as you and your partner explore every nook and cranny of your desires, feel the pride in being true to yourself, to saying yes to your cardinal sexual self. As long as your partner’s on board, it’s okay to follow your heart, and hormones, into the forbidden.