The Secret Life of NARPs

For those of you who were worried (probably just our #1 most devoted fan, Izzy’s grandpa): we’re officially back baby.

Maddie has resurrected from her gastro gravestone and joined Izzy once again for their half-marathon training. After a beautiful rendition of Baby Come Back to Me, a.k.a. a Vanessa Hudgens Baby V original, performed by Izzy, Maddie was ceremoniously reunited with her running shoes and made a triumphant return. In absurdly irresponsible fashion, she recommenced her training with a six mile run. Six miles, people! Izzy was unsupportive, but realized it was time to remove the metaphorical training wheels (yolo). In an act of some pragmatism, Maddie did indeed organize emergency contacts in case she did not make it. She warned Izzy before she left, “If my bloop hasn’t moved on your Find My Friends application for more than five minutes, call 911.” All in all, the run (walk?) went great as she only had a few close calls with asthma attacks.

Within the next 12 hours, the town of Middlebury experienced an absolute tundra, vaguely reminiscent of the brilliantly made dramatic film, “The Day After Tomorrow,” starring world-renowned DILF (if unfamiliar, hit up urban dictionary) Dennis Quaid and everybody’s favorite gay cowboy, Jake Gyllenhal. Although this dramatic turn in weather events may have kept some trainees at bay, we managed to get our hearts racing by bringing back a favorite childhood activity: sledding (also known to us as a hill workout). Departing Battell at the strike of midnight, Maddie and Izzy trekked through the gale-force winds to campus’s prime sledding locale: Mead Chapel hill. You might be doubting how strenuous the physical activity actually was, but considering how many times we got blown over by the wind we were basically doing multiple sets of burpies.

After a close-call with frost bite, we decided to take our next workout indoors with an hour-long yoga session. It should come as no surprise to you that we had no idea what we were doing, so we enlisted Izzy’s FYC (first-year counselor) who doubles as a yoga instructor (shoutout to Staci Hill) for advice. She recommended vinyasa or chaturanga. Completely bewildered, we turned to our beloved friend, Youtube for help. We hit a brief dilemma when we searched chimichanga instead of chaturanga, but regardless, we were ready to yoga (is that a verb?). Thirty seconds into the video after the apparently “essential” deep breathing, we hit an even bigger obstacle. Apparently, being flexible is a crucial component to successfully downward doggying? Incapable of touching our toes, we struggled to maintain proper poses in Maddie’s 184 square foot dorm room. We ultimately failed at the end of the video when we were instructed to lay on our backs with our palms open for a few deep breaths. Practically asking us to fall asleep, that is exactly what we did. Looks like Maddie isn’t the only self-diagnosed narcoleptic!

In the words of James Franco a.k.a. Alien from Spring Breakers “It’s [almost] spraaang break!” If you are heading to a tropical location take advantage of the outdoors and take some romantic long walks on the beach. And if you are staying in the cold, well then we are just so sorry. Enjoy the tundra!