If You Like It, Then You Shoulda Put a Label on It

What’s in a name? As Romeo said, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Yet, in this day and age, names, and more specifically definitions, definitely matter. While many modern day college students enjoy the benefits of sexual freedom and the influx of information on sex, relationships have received much of the backlash from all of these changes.

A few decades ago, the boundaries of relationships were very clearly defined. People would be “seeing each other,” and after a while, if the feelings were mutual they would end up “going steady”. While the vocabulary might have changed, even up until more recent times, people traditionally would find a boyfriend or girlfriend first, and then the rest would follow.

But now, many relationships start with sex. You meet someone on a drunken Friday or Saturday night, and after some dancing or DFMOs, you both go back to a room, do the nasty and wake up in the morning for an awkward good bye, or if you are lucky, a relatively pleasant breakfast and quick hug goodbye. And then, you see the person one weekend, the next and the next. But generally both people are afraid of DTR, defining the relationship. But what do you call the guy or girl you sleep with every Friday and Saturday night but are definitely not dating and are barely even friends with? Is it exclusive? Is it going anywhere? Most of the time people don’t even really know, they just go along for the ride until it fizzles out or blows up.

Relationships, therefore, have kind of gone by the wayside. Instead, people have “things”, as they are often dubbed (can there be a more ambiguous word?), that pretty much just allow for miscommunications and insecurities. But what is it that has really changed? I believe that people have become more sexually expressive, but the requirements for dating have not adapted with people’s sexual activity. While having sex no longer has the same stigma, for some reason having sex with someone before you are dating precludes them from a datable option. Perhaps it’s because the idea of dating is still relatively conservative: the innocent expectations of a boy giving you a ring and going steady with him à la Grease are still going strong.

Who knows if this change is a good or bad thing? All I know is that there shouldn’t be a stigma to sex. As sex becomes more open, people’s preconceived notions need to adapt. And also, more importantly, dating should not go away! People shouldn’t use simple sexual relationships as replacements for actual emotional relationships; they aren’t the same. And while a consistent drunk hook up on weekends, (or even a sober hookup on weekdays), may be great, the lack of clarity doesn’t help anyone.