Friends and Mental Illness

Healthy relationships are a crucial element in mental health; mental illness can often wreak havoc on one’s life and damage relationships. By contrast, mental illness that is supported by healthy relationships can be managed far more easily.

Friendship is one of the most valuable relationships for people. In regards to mental health, friends can provide an outlet, a sympathetic ear, a distraction from our problems and a way to keep us grounded.

But it can be hard to maintain or grow friendships when mental illness is involved. According to the Mental Health Foundation, people with more severe forms of mental illness may have fewer friends and more family members in their social circles. In addition, people with severe mental illnesses may find themselves befriending those who also suffer from mental illnesses. It is also common that those with mental illnesses will avoid social contact because of mental illness stigma, thereby limiting opportunities for initiation and maintenance of friendships.

Another important thing to note, however, is that friendships can change and grow over time. Sometimes, we grow apart from those who we used to consider our closest friends.

Onset of a mental illness, like other major life changes, can affect our friendships and how we act around friends. Activities, conversation topics, frequency of hanging out can all change when mental illness is involved. However, acknowledgement of and reflection on these changes can help maintain a healthy form of friendship, whether that be a closer or more distant relationship.

Family relationships can be even more complicated with mental illness in the mix. Sometimes, people lean on their family members for all their support before telling friends.

Other times, people may keep their struggles a secret from family members, out of fear, distrust, worry, or conflict.  Understandably, this can be a hard decision to make and it is completely up to the person experiencing mental illness to decide.

Sometimes, it can be a relief to reveal this personal struggle to a friend or family member; other times, it can cause more stress than relief, as reactions to it can be powerful and varied.

A common reason to keep mental illness under wraps is stigma. Mental illness is generally seen differently than physical illness; people may think a mentally ill person is “crazy,” incapable of thinking rationally, at fault for his or her illness, or “faking” to get attention or sympathy. Explaining your illness to someone and educating them on its causes, symptoms, treatments and prevalence can help reduce stigma.

When revealing something like a mental illness to family or friends, it is important to be prepared. Providing them with resources, understanding rash reactions and having realistic expectations are vital for healthy relationships going forward. It may take some work before friends and family are able to recognize and accept this illness as a temporary or permanent part of you, but honesty, empathy and patience on both sides can help make this process easier.

Information on mental illness can be found online at nami.org. Options, such as a free 12-week course for family members of those with mental illnesses are available through the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) as well.

Mentalhealthamerica.net also provides support resources for friends and family of those living with mental illness. For individuals involved in psychotherapy, a meeting involving family members and the therapist is often an option to help family members gain insight into the specific illness and its symptoms and treatment.  Talking to loved ones about mental illness can be a challenge, but with some simple preparation, this process can maintain the healthy, supportive and flexible nature of close relationships.