During intimacy, when does sex officially start? Chances are you’re about to say something along the lines of sex beginning when the penis is inserted into the vagina (or other orifice). But what about lesbians? Is a lesbian who’s never had sex with a man a virgin? The concept of female sexuality, especially lesbian sex, is heavily unexplored and misunderstood by society. In terms of lesbian sex, we may not be experts or have a lot of experience, but like we said in our first article: we’re not experts, we just like bringing up topics we think are important.
We see heterosexual erotica in the media all over. Even every now and then we’ll see the occasional homoerotic male advertisement or fashion photo shoot. But lesbian erotica is rarely displayed and when it is, it’s very misrepresentative.
In order to understand how the public sees lesbian sex, we have go to where society learns about sex in general. Unfortunately, sex is still a taboo subject in the American education system, which means most people are likely to turn to porn for further … education. Since most of porn is consumed by and advertised to men, it would only make sense that porn and the media feature rough, penetrative, finger-sucking foreplay between women as “lesbian sex.”
Why isn’t there a bigger uproar over how lesbian sexuality is portrayed if it’s so wrong? Partially because lesbians generally have a small voice in society, especially in how they are portrayed. Secondly, because the people to whom lesbian porn is marketed (men) and people outside of the loop (straight women/gay men) have no idea and put no thought into what lesbian sex is supposed to be like. Why? Frankly, it’s because people don’t care and aren’t interested, and that’s wrong. When asked about what lesbian sex is, most students on campus came up with terms like “intense scissoring?” and “a lot of oral?” Obviously Middlebury is weak on the queer-lady knowledge.
Like we said in our last article, society loves penis. So if there’s no penis, it can’t even be called sex. Well maybe if there’s a dildo or something, it’s kind of sex, right? But if sex is about penetration, then why don’t men have to be penetrated to lose their virginities? Is it about the orgasm then? Men don’t have to be penetrated when they lose their virginities, but they do orgasm.
But this is also wrong, because it’s focused on the penis. Sure, he ejaculated, but did the woman have a good time? Did you educate yourself on the clitoris? Probably not. There are various sexual activities partners can partake in. Oral, anal, fondling, … the list goes on and we all have our boundaries of when we feel we’ve lost our virginities. Yet lesbians are still often told, they’ve never had ‘real sex.’
That’s because people don’t care about female sexuality. If you ask us, two women being with each other in a sexual act where they make a connection, is a lot more valid than a man penetrating a woman for two minutes without even thinking about her pain or enjoyment in the process.
In the patriarchy of today’s society, the place of a woman is to please a man. So when you’re a lesbian, you’re either going to be fetishized in porn for straight men or simply ignored. The consequences go beyond the extent of people’s understanding of your sex life being a silly little hand gesture. Many lesbians are raped or harassed, under the philosophy that they can be ‘fixed’ once they know what ‘real sex’ is like.
The way our society misunderstands lesbian sex reflects our poor and dangerous understanding of sex in general. Women are human beings and deserve to have proper and enjoyable sexual experiences when they want to (with or without men). And sex is so much more than one part going into another and making babies. It is an experience. And this is why lesbian sex is so wonderful, because despite all the misconceptions, lesbians didn’t learn sex from what porn or the media taught them. It’s an experience of intimacy and discovery, much like all sex should be. Also, we hear the clitoris is lovely.
In-Queer-Y
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