An Open Letter: Why I Chose Not to Attend Resilience

I have a story, too. That was my first thought when Project Resilience first hit Facebook with founder of Resilience, Emma Erwin’s story. As the campus responded with likes, comments and shares, I felt an irrational anger and sadness take over, making me want to scream — I have a story, too. This indescribable feeling tugged at me from the inside as I struggled with an internal debate between having the utmost respect for Project Resilience and Emma, and for some reason feeling left out.

Project Resilience is a combination of social media postings of stories about perseverance and a culminating story-reading event that happened on Tuesday. This project is bigger than any one student or story, and I have seen firsthand how it has changed the conversation on this campus regarding mental illness. I stand by the belief that Project Resilience is an inspirational project, full of students sharing stories of suffering and perseverance, and I applaud every student who took part in this event. Headed by my good friend Emma Erwin, I couldn’t imagine a better person for the cause. I hope that the audience left with a new sense of empathy, and for those still struggling, that the stigma of seeking help has been at least slightly alleviated. So why did I not attend?

After months of conversations and journaling, I realized that this event was not fully representative. We live in a society that privileges the extrovert speaking up in class, promotes constant social media updates and rewards the tweeting church-goer with likes and shares over the quiet daily devotee in the back row. But what must not be forgotten when social media fills with stories of perseverance is that there is another road just as valid.

For those more introverted individuals on the path towards overcoming mental illness, seeing mental illness popularized in this way may serve as a trigger. Cutting, for example, works like alcoholism, and constantly facing reminders of its temptation may trigger dangerous behavior in an individual still struggling.

Two of my friends told me that they had not really thought about how Project Resilience may affect some students negatively. But for those with a history of mental illness, ignoring prominent social media updates is not a privilege they have. Not sharing may trigger a sentiment of failure — is it wrong that they have not posted? Are they less courageous? Or not as far along on the path of recovery? Are they somehow reinforcing the stigma surrounding mental illness? I struggled with these questions for weeks as I saw hundreds of likes and comments on the stories, questioning my own courage and dedication to the cause.

So here I am, saying that I have a story, too. But I didn’t post it, and I probably never will. I fight society’s stigma against mental illness through different means and outlets. For me, healing was a long, internal process that I could not have done without the amazing support of my close friends and family. For others who choose a more open approach or appreciate a wider circle of support, I maintain the utmost respect and am open to a dialogue about how to make sure that all individuals are cared for and not judged for their path of healing.

I’m by no means promoting suffering in silence. I think every individual could benefit from seeking professional help, and the culture of the community has a huge impact on stigmatizing counseling. And for that, I am genuinely happy that Project Resilience happened. I think this campus needed it, and I’m eager to see the change it may have catalyzed.

In the end, there is no one straight path to healing, and it is impossible to predict the frequent and dangerous ditches along the way. For anyone who has struggled, or is struggling, with mental illness and chooses not to share their story or feels frustrated or alone, there’s no shame in that. You didn’t miss a crucial step, and your support may come by less conspicuous means. And that’s okay, too. In fact, Emma and I agree that our society needs a combination of both public and behind the scenes activism. We’re all fighting for the same cause.