NARPS

When one spends 100 bucks on a bikini wax over break, it is important to make the feeling of a thousand fires being ignited on your “coochie” worth it. (“Is this what death feels like?”- Maddie Webb). One may assume that a bikini wax is part of the school-wide mission to secure that J-term cuddle buddy YikYak has told us all about. But let’s be real. That dream is too good to be true. The laziness of J-term only becomes exponentially greater as time goes on. Being hygienic and peppy enough to confront sunlight and let alone, people, is REALLY REALLY HARD, WE KNOW. So naturally, we chose aquajogging; an activity that involved swimsuits so we could show off our otherwise-pointless waxes (if it isn’t clear, we are single and ready to mingle). It should be noted, however, that the Cliteracy workshop came in at a close second. Professor Juana Gamero de Coca, also known as Izzy’s mom, always reiterates that it’s important “to know your body.”

It came time to head over to the athletic center, and Maddie still didn’t understand that her barely-there Victoria Secret’s bikini has a time and place to be worn – not in January, not in Vermont  and not in Middlebury’s athletic natatorium. Izzy learned her lesson from her recent log rolling NARP adventure and borrowed a racing suit from a member of the swim team to avoid nip slips. HOW WRONG SHE WAS. When submerged under water, the swimsuit became remarkably transparent. Combined with the cold water, well, you get the picture.

The instructions were simple once we arrived at the deep end. Step 1: Securely buckle into the provided aquajogging buoyancy belt. Step 2: Get in water. Step 3: Jog. Before we knew it, we pushed off the wall and embarked on our first lap. The best comparison we could come up with to explain the sensation of running in water is when you are in a nightmare and trying to run away but you end up staying in place. After thirty minutes of endless questions ranging from “If I pee in the pool, will they know?” to “Are we allowed to use the hot tub for the diving team after this is over?” to “Is this how astronauts train to walk on the moon?” Izzy had an epiphany. In the middle of discussing the new presidential candidates (lol, as if we are intellectual enough to hold that conversation), she exclaimed, “Maddie, I can feel it, I’ve finally got it, I’m aquajogging.” Ten minutes later, Maddie pretended to have the same epiphany. Together, they flew through the water – Izzy in good form, Maddie subtly doggy-paddling to keep up. Eventually establishing a PR (personal record) of a solid 2 minutes to cross the length of the pool, I think it’s safe to say you can call us Michael Phelps Missy Franklin! Girl Power!

PSA: Just to be clear, our PR definitely suffered from our refusal to shave our legs in the winter months (speaking for all girls here). Sorry boys, but once the shorts are put away, there isn’t a strong enough reason for us to accidentally touch the shower walls while attempting to shave. With stronger aerodynamics (is that even an applicable word if we are in water? aquadynamics?) we think we could’ve had a more impressive PR.

After the hour-long session ended, we decided to take things to the next level, and attempt to aquajog like true athletes – without the floatie belt. It only took ten seconds for the water to go over our mouths. It was at that moment that Maddie sneezed, inadvertently inhaled water and started to choke. Lesson of the day? Never be too confident, people! Apparently, we didn’t look too amateur because we got invited to practice with the swim team! Yes, it may have been the elementary school swim team. And yes, we would have been the oldest ones there by 10 years. I know this is starting to sound more insulting than complimentary, but we felt really good about it.

We know that J-term is all about wearing pajama sets, drinking wine, getting through all of the Oscar-nominated movies, and planning for spring break, but it is also the least busy time of the year for most. Even if it’s only for an hour per week, try something new because you may find something you like. If you hate it, just know that watching Netflix in bed is a workshop in our books.