In-Queer-Y: A Kinky Vocab Lesson

In light of the recent release of 50 Shades of Grey and the upcoming Porn Party at the Queer Studies House, we thought a good topic for this week would be a list of porn and kink-related vocabulary and their misconceptions. Some of the terms you will find are very commonplace while others are not.

The reason we think this list is valuable is because what people find attractive and sexually enjoyable varies in many ways, aside from just sexual orientation. Sex positivity is all about remembering to respect everyone’s desires and sexual interests instead of shaming them. Context is a huge part of something being sexy or unsexy, and there are no rules to what should or should not enjoy. As long as everything is safe, consensual, informed and controlled, there is not a reason people should feel shame for how they manage their sex lives, from abstinence to pony play.

Kink and Fetish

The difference between a kink and a fetish is often unknown. A kink is more activity and behavior-oriented while a fetish is more focused on an object or part of the body. For example, a foot fetish is sexual enjoyment focused around a person’s feet and watersports refers to the fetish of sexual enjoyment focused on urine. Role play (where partners adopt personas that differ from their own) and enjoying spanking during sex are kinks, or can be described as kinky. While the two terms often appear in similar places they are not the same thing.

BDSM (Short for BD/DS/SM)

BDSM is usually regarded in society as a taboo practice because of its reputation for being dangerous and the result of trauma. However, liking BDSM is not the result of a trauma and, much like any other sexual practice, there are safer and less safe ways to do it.  Many people engage in some form of BDSM, whether it is blindfolding or flogging. BDSM is all about deriving pleasure from pain and suspense. Consent is crucial to BDSM. That means having a safe word (a word likely not to come up in conversation during sexual activity, which alerts that a person is nearing or has reached their maximum comfort zone). Safe words are also great for communication in any sexual activity, not just BDSM.

Pony Play

A style of role-play in which the roles are divided into masters/riders and ponies. There are no actual animals involved; rather, the two roles reflect the power dynamic between horse riders and their horses. Many pony play activities also mimic those of actual horse riders and horses, such as washing or sex positions that resemble riding.

Strapadictomy

The act of strapping on a dildo in preparation for vaginal or anal penetration. Many people find using strap-ons to be an activity reserved for lesbian couples. However, many men (including heterosexuals) enjoy having their partners penetrate them anally, and may very well use a strap-on. Strap-ons and dildos are also a common tool used by transgender people.

Erotic asphyxiation

Arousal resulting from intentional restriction of oxygen to brain. Sometimes referred to as breathe control play, many people find erotic asphyxiation to be an exhilarating activity. As long as things are monitored appropriately, everything is consensual and there is not an excessive aggression with the restraints or forces used, there should be no sign for alarm. Caution is always advised, most especially with autoerotic asphyxiation in where the person restricts their own breathing and may be alone.

Masturbation

The act of giving oneself sexual pleasure. Many forget that masturbation, while commonplace in today’s American culture, masturbation was once seen as a sinful sexual deviancy and still is in many places in the world. Much like we have learned that masturbation does not prevent someone from being a happy and healthy individual we hope it carries to other practices society views as wrong and we can have open conversations about sex.