Mad About Midd Etiquette for dummies

Author: Dave Barker

On Thanksgiving, I gave thanks to Career Services. No, the folks at Adirondack House didn't hand me a free "Community Chest" card with the promise: "Get out of Parents basement for life." Instead, they brought etiquette consultant Jodi Smith to campus a couple weeks ago. What I learned saved me at the dinner table while slicing through the turkey.

Prior to mocktails and dinner with Smith, I needed help. My dining hall companions had become immune to many of my slips 'twixt the cup and the lip.' Shirts would enter the laundry basket looking like Pollack canvases. After each meal, my tray would have a fine coating of rice and other crumbs that had breached the side of the plate.

I think we could all benefit by knowing how to finish off the cereal bowl or how to get out of an awkward conversation at the next party. If you were not one of the lucky 60 able to attend, listen up. Here's an Etiquette 101 primer.

The bar/party

While Smith ran the mocktail session to prepare us for future marketing and sales conventions, most of us will not be dishing out business cards anytime soon. We will find ourselves in many a watering hole or College function, however, trolling for friendship or love. Upon entering the bar, resist the urge to find anyone you know. Grab your drink and then introduce yourself to someone not engaged in a conversation.

If you have been carrying your gin and tonic in your right hand, find the penalty box - your hand just felt like semi-thawed haddock during the handshake. If your attempt to break the ice leads to conversation about ice (the weather), your best bet lies not in a quick exit to refill your drink or a run to the bathroom (no tag team trips ladies), but an honest expression of gratitude. "It has been nice speaking with you; I hope you never leave the physics wing at Bi-Hall."

Eating

Improved manners in the dining halls will force you to slow down and to keep the food down the esophagus. Smith introduced us to the concept of "symmetry" while eating in a group. Simply put, one person shouldn't be on fro-yo while the rest of the table struggles with their chicken cordon bleu. Begin by folding your napkin in half and then placing the crease at the knees, allowing you four opportunities to get the marinara off your mouth.

Don't even think about putting your fork in the right hand. Using the continental style, fork goes in left, knife in the right. After spearing meat or vegetable, use the knife to mash a bit of the side dish onto the back of the fork. For cereals and soups, scoop away from you, so that at least your friend will get splashed if your eye-hand coordination remains shaky from the night before.

Smith covered several other topics, but I remained unsure of proper etiquette for essentials like pizza sticks or how to politely tell someone to abstain from using the panini machine as a personal wok. Though with Smith's pointers in mind last Thursday, the cranberry sauce ended up in my mouth.