Mad About Midd What Midd stands for

Author: Dave Barker

To the Class of 2006:

Assuming no one drowned in Cook Common's foam last Saturday night, you will all be graduating in a little over two weeks. I am sorry I couldn't be there to deliver this speech in person, but Williams called offering more money. Don't take the wisdom here too seriously - I once separated my shoulder while wrestling late on a Friday night a few years ago.

Read on though, because I won't be divulging how you too can become a major figure in U.S. agribusiness and then go on to save children all over the world as your commencement speaker plans to do. Instead, I think it's time to create a life-long Middlebury code that should serve you better than Painter's cane. Graduates are always told what they can and should do now that they have the opportunity to apply their prestigious education. Well, here are a few things you must never do.

Your diploma certifies that you went to what Newsweek called the "hottest school for international studies." The bulk of you studied a foreign language. So inevitably, you'll have to pull out a few "cerveza por favor's" in the years to come. Never speak with an English accent. Remember, people know two things about Middlebury: it's cold and it has good foreign languages. If you must, blame any errors you make on not having studied at the College summer Language School.

On a similar, academic vein, you must never misspel a word omit a comma or a period. Once your boss sees the first writing flaw, expect the question: Doesn't Middlebury have great English and writing programs? If you must, blame it on BreadLoaf or claim that you studied too many foreign languages.

For economics and math majors, I expect the writing and English errors can be explained by your having worked with numbers for too long. I can hardly blame you for pursuing economics (the College's pre-finance program). Someday, you'll be playing with a retirement gadget at 55 in Bora Bora. Never forget, however, the rest of your classmates, who for the next few years will be living off lentils and millet. If only the Alumni Office set up a revenue sharing system to even out the playing field. As alumni, you'll have the opportunity to submit class notes to the quarterly magazine. Never tell your classmates about the latest BMW, job promotion, or cashmere sweater you bought on a honeymoon to Paris.

Continue to primp and care about your appearance though. With a Middlebury degree, you must never be without a pastel polo or an expensive fleece. If ever questioned about why you're wearing clashing colors or your scruffy appearance, blame it on where you went to college. "Nobody cares about how they dress in rural Vermont!"

Let me tell you what they do care about in rural Vermont: the environment. So, you must never litter, forget to turn out a light, or flush the toilet more than once a day. If someone gives you grief for that noxious-smelling exhaust from your car, take a cue from the Biobus and reply: "What did you expect french fry grease to smell like when it burns?"

Speaking of things burning, I am burned out from a year of these. If you made it this far without needing a power nap to finish, I appreciate it. Congratulations on graduating. You upheld the Honor Code, now remember the Middlebury code.