Mental illness at Midd

Author: CHRIS LIZOTTE '07

At Middlebury, where concern for sensitivity and diversity is paramount, I am shocked by the persistent tolerance for a certain set of myths about a certain type of difference. Let me elaborate: perhaps prompted by an increase in dialogue about mental health brought to Middlebury a few weeks ago via the Active Minds Symposium, I have been overhearing more comments than usual relating to people's personal beliefs about this topic. This is a rare opportunity, because although mental health problems are as pervasive as physical health problems and indiscriminant in terms of whom they affect, many think they don't exist. Some overheard comments are by no means exceptional: "I didn't go to any of the events of the mental health symposium because I don't believe in it [presumably, mental health]"; "I think depressed people need to stand up and do something."

I am saddened that on a campus where utterances of racial slurs attract - and rightly so - nearly universal contempt, other words that express a similar level of fear, ignorance and prejudice are tolerated. Having grown up in an environment where I was not aware of issues of race, I do not take my experience to mean that racial discrimination and hatred are not a pervasive and regrettable aspects of societies worldwide. Likewise, if I had not experienced mental illness or watched people I care for struggle with mental health problems, I would not dare tell someone that these problems do not exist, that they are a cover for people who lack competence and motivation.

I want to send a message to all those who deny that mental health issues really exist: The lies you have been told are outrageous. For the sake of all those who have suffered or watched loved ones suffer, know that I will not allow you to tell us that we are deluding ourselves.

I'll tell my story, not because I think it's exceptional, or to make a martyr of myself, but rather to encourage anyone who thinks that they or someone they know is affected by mental health problems to speak up, to not be intimidated by those who say that it's only "in their head" or that they can "get over it." Yes, recovering from mental health problems often involves a change in personal thinking patterns, but to do this alone is an insurmountable task, and understanding, not scorn, is the best way to help someone help him or herself.

The only extraordinary thing about me when I arrived at Middlebury four years ago was the banality of my life. I had never mourned anybody, never been the victim of abuse, violence or discrimination, never struggled to get by financially, never had experienced tragedy, or, for that matter, much great success. In other words, I had every reason to be happy, except that I wasn't. Still, I was excited for college, because I thought that that was where the opportunities to live an exceptional life lay. I'm not sure what went wrong, but by winter term of my first year I was watching passively as other students forged relationships, excelled in academics, sports and art, and generally developed themselves as people. Suddenly, the Middlebury campus felt cold and oppressive, and my initial enthusiasm turned to bitterness and envy. Eventually, my failures to get "good"at college life led me to believe that my entire life up to that point had been a failure. That summer, at home because I hadn't bothered to look for a summer job, I had my first intensely suicidal thoughts.

I was lucky; my mental health problems have proved to be manageable with counseling and mild doses of medication. I don't deny that ultimately the source of my recovery lies within me, and that is it up to me to make use of my own personal resources. However, I maintain that it is not something I am capable of doing alone, despite what someone who I know is a caring person once said to me: "You know, you can just decide to be happy." Those were the most hurtful words anyone has ever said to me. Maybe they were meant to help, but believe me, they only added to my self-hatred.

If you are suffering or watching someone you care for suffer from mental health problems, ranging from stress or minor depression to full-blown eating disorders, major depression or self-destructive behavior, please say something. Don't be scared because our society says that people with these problems are strange or frightening. The way we as a culture construct the "other" is the real social pathology, not the non-conformist behavior we're told to fear.