Op-Ed: To be a Midd-kid

Since the 90s, Middlebury’s higher-ups have been hell bent on turning the school into the leading liberal arts college by paying for the best professors and attracting the best students. And aren’t we proud; we all wallow in the oohs and ahs when we mention our alma mater to our parents’ friends. But in improving the College so, the administration has also thought it necessary to tame the College’s former reputation as a rich kids’ fraternity school, somewhat akin to Faber College, into a school too progressive for its own good — recall the administration’s symbolic plans to replace the 200-year-old college seal. Middlebury has chiseled away at its old-boys-club image in order to smooth its character into a school full of students who (judging from our Web site’s “Student Life” page) do things like deliver calves, sing a cappella on subways, “study, argue, dance … spend the summer in Peru and blog about it … [and] sometimes just take a break with friends and hang out at 51 Main.”

Good golly, what a miserable image of the Midd-kid! Not to mention that this is a poor description of quotidian life — I’ve not done one of these things (unfortunately excepting studying, arguing and dancing like a moron) — but is this really what the typical student is up to? Surely individuality is great, but it seems the administration wants only the perfectly well-rounded and mild-mannered student whose resume features one or all of the following: a) clichéd outdoorsy experience, b) something international (for the brochure) and c) glee club. And coincidentally, these requirements yield students along the lines of the two archetypes I so despise: the overachieving mama’s boy and the self-proclaimed chiller (i.e., faux-bohemian).

But I’m playing the agitator. This shotgun blast is really a critique of the administration’s fiddling hand in the admissions process. So when the “Midd Kid” video glorifies that philistine affluence of lax bros drinking Icehouse from Solo cups, I perceive it as calculated poke at Ron and the Middlebury higher-ups. And for this, I applaud the Allen Jokers for also recognizing the bro as Middlebury’s saving grace from this “ideal student.” College is the last realm of my youth — and consequently I want it to be a celebration of my youth, which is characterized by “learning from mistakes,” alcohol-induced camaraderie, and most importantly, irreverence. When I pass by the student who limits her social life to MCAB’s monotonous selection of magicians, I am angered by her tameness, by that premature air of maturity and her submission to the administration. And I say to these drones who are embarrassed and equally confused by the “Midd Kid” video, “You embarrass me!”

At the moment, in making Middlebury not so socially intimidating for these students, the administration is imposing a utopian social life bordering on communism, which is entirely free of exclusivity (and jungle juice). Welcome to Club Midd: we encourage everyone to take part in our contrived Commons system, ethnic clubs, under-attended and over-funded MCAB events, and the social houses (Middlebury’s concession to mitigate fallout from exiling the fraternities). And while we’re attending these fabulous venues, the College continues to propagate this false sense of community by brainwashing us with an intolerable, shoot-myself-cheery stream of colorful MCAB emails alerting me to weekly advantages of being a Midd-kid. Call me Scrooge, but I look with relish to my friends in the eating clubs of Princeton and the finals clubs at Harvard who take part in such bonding traditions constituted on the principle that exclusion of others is a means to greater cohesion within a few. And I wish Middlebury had something more similar to this than the Grille. I often fantasize about the day when, to the behest of the administration, my only donation to the school is in the form of an ornate finals club with an imperial staircase.

In the meantime, the College is eradicating all traces of what it perceives to be an embarrassing past. Although there is a section labeled Future on the new “About Middlebury” webpage, there is none on Middlebury’s History or Traditions. So here lies the crux of my opinion: First, the administration must adopt a laissez-faire policy toward student social life.

Enough with the College-run parties: let private enterprise rule! Second, Middlebury must realize that it is not antithetical for it to progress academically while retaining elements of its past — however crude this past may seem in retrospect. Why relegate our old sports memorabilia to a display case in the basement of the new library? Why scrub off the old Greek letters? Why put the old Starr Library in the chokehold of modern architecture? And on …

But despite this untactful passion of mine, at heart, I am an indecisive contrarian. Underlying the “Midd Kid” video is the joke (yes, it’s not to be taken literally) that despite the arrogance of our pastel-colored shorts and backwards hats we are all actually surprisingly intelligent and knowledgeable. And sure, Middlebury has a ridiculous number of superhuman student-athletes (i.e., varsity letters with a 4.0). But I am continually baffled by the idiocy of some students here who got into Middlebury solely on account of their academic merits in high school (myself included: I struggled to pass Lego-Robot class). My point being (I think): although it’s fun to be number one … we’re not. And similarly, just because we have that one kid who turned down Harvard — for the comfort of being nestled between the breasts of Mother Earth’s Adirondacks and Green Mountains — does not make us all geniuses. With that said, I’m going to continue to act like a conceited idiot, but I’m keeping some humility in my back pocket for when Swarthmore tops us again in the U.S. News Rankings — despite Middlebury being waaay cooler.