The consequences of kindness - Phillip Ziff '10.5

As you may have already heard, a Rutgers freshman, Tyler Clementi, leapt to his death off of the George Washington Bridge on September 22th. He was 18 years old and bullied for being gay. Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei are being charged with invasion of privacy after streaming video footage of Tyler having a sexual encounter with another man in his room. These three students just started college, the place to learn, grow, expand the mind, begin life’s journey. These three lives just ended, one irrevocably. Tyler’s story is one of four bullying-related teen suicides this past month. Ravi and Wei felt entitled to publicly display someone’s private life, and as a result of their actions, a teenage boy is dead. This tragedy, seemingly distant, is not so far removed from events here at Midd.

A couple of weeks ago I was walking past Proctor, late one Friday night with some friends. A group of four, younger-looking Middlebury males were belligerently hooting, kicking over and throwing the wooden chairs that had been set up for the symposium dinner earlier that day. I knew that these were, in fact, Middlebury students because they donned Middlebury athletic attire. One of them, maybe the smallest one, held a chair up to one of my friends in a threatening manner as though he were about to perform a professional wrestling move on her. His friends congratulated him for his brave display of unprovoked dominance with laughter and high fives. When my friends and I proceeded to tell them that they were being immature and that their actions were “not cool, guys,” they came back at us with a barrage of expletives, limited mostly to variations of the “f-bomb.” They then proceeded to the Grille, verbally terrorizing others along the way. These students felt entitled to destroy college property and threaten their peers.

More recently, I attended a “[not so] small, informal gathering” at which I placed my jacket down on a living room couch. While it was warmer in the early evening, I knew that it would be cold later, so I planned ahead. Someone else did not plan ahead, and when I went to grab my jacket and leave, it was not there. My car keys are in the pocket of that jacket and now I cannot access my car. Someone felt entitled to take my jacket without regard for the consequences of that action. At the end of last semester, I had the misfortune of overhearing a Middlebury College athlete use the phrase “sand-nigger” to describe a Middle-Eastern student. I have felt and seen numerous doors slammed in faces because people are too careless to look behind them. Last fall’s display of pushing and shoving at the Halloween party is yet another example of entitlement based violence. I am sure that you can think of examples from your own experience, in which you felt the impact of someone’s aggression and or thoughtlessness.

While property damage and theft are not as extreme as the exploitation of someone’s privacy, the actions all come from a person’s sense of entitlement and subsequent carelessness. I do not wish to investigate the source of this entitlement or aggression, for fear that in doing so I might make blanket assumptions about athletics or social groups. It is very easy to “bro-bash,” and yet this type of prejudicial attitude creates as much negativity as homophobic or racial slurs. Do athletics breed aggression?  By nature of some sports, yes they do, but a student with the mental capacity to handle a top-tier liberal arts college can surely distinguish between the field and the campus, right? I like to hope so. There are both nice and not-so-nice people in the Mill and in ADP, and in every other social or student group. I would like to encourage all Middlebury students to focus on our commonalities instead of our rifts. The world is difficult outside of Middlebury — an understatement, I know — so why not make it easier for everyone here?

The opposite of entitlement is gratitude. At Middlebury, we are very privileged. Do not assume that being here entitles you to deserve what you have. Be grateful for all the opportunities that you receive and understand that there are millions of people who will never see them. Middlebury is an enclosed community over which we have a great deal of control. Our actions create a ripple effect that reverberates across the entire campus. Be aware that the consequences of your actions will directly affect other people. The solution is simple: be kind. Hate is contagious, but so is love. Spread positive energy. Hold the door for people. Be empathetic. Listen to what people have to say. Smile. It does not hurt, I promise.