Whether it was in the panini line at Proctor, in the midst of conquering a snow mound, or inaudibly over the loud base of Atwater, I have tried to approach every new face with an open mind and faith that the kind act will be reciprocated. Like blinking, introducing yourself to new people is a natural reflex of the human condition that has eminent faith in new beginnings.
I have realized however, that the way we interpret first impressions has changed and gone viral. Social media makes virtual appearance just as important as physical, texting just as relevant as face-to-face conversation and proving your past just as important as discussing it. Since history suggests that the blend of self-containment and approachability are key to the initial stages of friendship, how do we transfer the iceberg version of ourselves onto the Internet?
I wish it were as simple as clicking “Add Friend.” Facebook makes a button the only obstacle in obliterating privacy, the like/dislike button as our only choices for opinion, and the “get to know you” stage of friendship achieved through arrow keys and scrolling. Should I put more emphasis on choosing my profile picture or outfit? Is it more important to be a good texter or conversationalist?
After I got accepted to Midd as a Feb, I immediately joined the 2017.5 Facebook group. Without speaking or interacting, I got to know my classmates as more than just a name on a page. By time I reached orientation, none of the faces were new to me even though this was the first time the figures were life size and not a still life; comments like “the pictures from your febmester looked amazing” and “you seem really into (insert creative hobby here)” demonstrated that our in-person interactions lagged behind our virtual ones. Even though I still asked the basic get to know you questions, I realized they were out of formality instead of necessity. How does getting to know someone’s picture persona differ from their actual persona? How does the beginning stages of friendship play out online versus in real-life? Even though orientation only lasted one week, the Feb class became such a tight knit group because we arrived on campus having already done our homework and ready to fill in the questions social media left unanswered.
These realities do not just ring true for the Feb class. Facebook can be used as a cheat sheet to the social scene at Midd. The college’s virtual voice has helped me navigate what clubs to join, parties to attend and even what clothes to wear. A new kid does not have to search much further than his/her computer to uncover social norms and friend groups, demonstrating that the feelings of feeling new and overwhelmed have not changed, but the agents for integration and investigation have.
The virtual world however, still carries some of our real world tendencies. Social media has made it much easier for people to hide their vulnerabilities and redefine their identity. Self-conscious? Hand-select and add filters to your photos before you upload them. Embarrassed by a hobby or passion? Don’t put it on your profile. Want to seem happy? Smile in every photo. As a new kid, it’s been challenging to establish at what points the computer-generated and authentic versions of Middlebury are in agreement versus disagreement. I’ve realized that it’s not simply choosing to follow one narrative or the other, but rather trusting that only time will tell how these two worlds coexist and contradict.
Ideally, you get to know a person and place in stages. My fear is that agents like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter reveal too much too soon about a person or place and take away the mystery, and possibly incentive, of getting to know someone or something further; with the power to scroll as far back into someone’s profile history without having to talk to them directly, how do we prevent the novelty from wearing off? How do we prevent disappointment when the virtual and real worlds are not in sync?
I want to unplug. I want to sit and let a conversation twist from awkward silences to gut-bursting laughter at its own pace. I know Middlebury is the right place for me and that the people here are the right people, but I’m struggling with how to connect both on and off line. Strip away the stigma and the natural tendency to build a protective shield and the doubt. Don’t just like my profile picture or tweet, like me for me, and trust that the rest will take care of itself.
Artwork by CHARLOTTE FAIRLESS
